#24: New Year’s Eve

This is it. The big one. The best party of the entire year: New Year’s Eve. Sure, New Year’s has never really amounted to much in the past, but all that changes this year. You have money, you’re going to kiss someone at midnight, and you’re wearing a suit for crying out loud! Next year is going to be the best year of your life and it all starts tonight…

This isn’t going to be the best night of your life, but it could end up as your worst. First of all, you’re not kissing anyone tonight. Just get that through your head. Unless you’re standing next to someone you’ve kissed before, you’re not kissing anyone when the ball drops. That’s a fact. If a kiss is the only reason you’re going out tonight, just take that tie off, slip into some pajama pants and pass out watching cable. You’ll have a better time. Promise. If you go into NYE trying to get action, it won’t happen. The impromptu NYE kiss is like finding a $20 bill on the sidewalk; it only happens when you’re not looking for it. Keep the option open, but you just don’t find a $20 bill through sheer desire. It doesn’t work that way.

As far as NYE parties are concerned… look out. Going to a NYE party is a fine way to celebrate the evening, but there can be pitfalls standing in the way of the best night of your life. Like not pacing yourself. If you show up at a party at 8pm, remember that the point of the entire evening doesn’t start for another 4 hours. You gotta make it that long without going too hard too fast. Starts with a cocktail at 8:15 and by 10:30 you’re wearing a Doritos bag as a hat while you talk way too close to a hot girl’s face. Nobody wants that. Especially since you’ll end up ringing in the New Year by puking off a balcony. It’s tough to start the New Year off right if you can’t remember the first several hours of it.

The same advice holds true if you’re “pre-gaming” before going to a bar. If you feel like cutting out the middleman with a few shots at home, keep the clock in mind. Although time shouldn’t run your life, tonight it’s your only god. Don’t think you can show up to a bar on NYE pre-smashed and they’re just going to be cool with it. Bars want people to buy drinks and spend money as they welcome the New Year, so what good are you to them if you’ve already done the work? There are plenty of sober people who will pay a good price to get to the state where you already are and the bar staff knows it. They’re not going to leave sober people with money in the cold for your drunk ass, so plan ahead and save some room in your stomach for high priced bar drinks.

Speaking of planning ahead, do you know which bar you’re going to? Do you need a reservation? Do they hit capacity before you plan to get there? Do your research. There’s nothing worse than planning your perfect night and properly pacing yourself only to get to the cool bar and see that they’re A) packed B) reservation only and C) implementing a dress code (hint: if people can see your bare feet on NYE, you’ve failed). You’ll be turned away and forced to resort to watching the ball drop under the watchful eye of that old creepy guy at the dad-bar who keeps trying to send drinks over to you and your other guy friend. Nobody, including the creepy guy, really wants that.

New Year’s Eve can be a night of exciting opportunities, but it’s also a night of sky-high expectations. Just go into it hoping for a good time, but don’t hope for the best night of your life. That way you’ll have fun and any unexpected friendships, situations, or kisses (could happen but probably won’t) will be an added/welcomed bonus. This is your year, kid. You’re going to make it happen. Start the New Year off with a great night you were never expecting. Go get ‘em, Hero.